Thoughts on being motherless on Mother’s Day.
We’re all born to someone, some are cuddled and loved,
others not so much. Mother’s Day comes hard for me
as I have no mother to celebrate. She birthed me,
raised me and hurt me every chance she got. I can now
forgive her but its been a long lonely road since 2007
when I broke the link between us. I’ve been a gypsy
ever since, when you break the link between you and your
birth family, a part of you gets lost and you never really
recover it. But I did it for my mental health and have never
regretted the decision. I do miss my family most of the time
and find them plaguing my nightmares and daily thoughts.
I’ve never really written about it before as I try not to think
about it. I have a great mother-in-law but she is not the
cuddles kind of person and I don’t mind that. I say Happy
Mother’s Day out of respect but that motherly need runs
unfulfilled. I will always wonder if she is still alive, does she
miss me too, is she sorry for what she did? I can’t answer
those questions so I need to let them be. I need to move
on and starting today, feeling as crappy as I do on holidays,
I’m ready to do so. I have to move on and I will. I miss you
mom, I still love you as much as a daughter ever could but
I’m letting you go, I forgive your transgretions and wish you
a peaceful existence.