Thoughts on being motherless

Thoughts on being motherless on Mother’s Day.

We’re all born to someone, some are cuddled and loved,

others not so much.  Mother’s Day comes hard for me

as I have no mother to celebrate.  She birthed me,

raised me and hurt me every chance she got.  I can now

forgive her but its been a long lonely road since 2007

when I broke the link between us.  I’ve been a gypsy

ever since, when you break the link between you and your

birth family, a part of you gets lost and you never really

recover it.   But I did it for my mental health and have never

regretted the decision.  I do miss my family most of the time

and find them plaguing my nightmares and daily thoughts.

I’ve never really written about it before as I try not to think

about it.  I have a great mother-in-law but she is not the

cuddles kind of person and I don’t mind that.  I say Happy

Mother’s Day out of respect but that motherly need runs

unfulfilled.  I will always wonder if she is still alive, does she

miss me too, is she sorry for what she did?  I can’t answer

those questions so I need to let them be.  I need to move

on and starting today, feeling as crappy as I do on holidays,

I’m ready to do so.  I have to move on and I will.  I miss you

mom, I still love you as much as a daughter ever could but

I’m letting you go, I forgive your transgretions and wish you

a peaceful existence.

M. Willcox


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